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Current Letters
Dear Wrinkled Wendy,
I have a new boyfriend, and I'm really excited about this new relationship. He's handsome, he's buff, and we have so much in common it's almost scary. I'm worried about something, though; since we've started seeing each other, I've sort of had this affair on the side. I started it to save his life, but this goblin (it isn't as kinky as it sounds, he's really big and civilized for a goblin) turned out to be really...well, let's just say skilled, I don't want to be indelicate. I had a hard time breaking it off, though I finally did. What I need to know is, should I tell my new boyfriend? Ordinarily I wouldn't, but we will probably meet this goblin and my other friends again and I'm worried about how my boyfriend might react if he finds out accidentally.
Acatel
Dear Acatel,
Thank you for you letter.
It seems you have gotten yourself into a little pickle.
The druidic part of me says to just keep going with the flow. The current of your fantasies can take you into waters others would never have thought about sailing (have you ever thought about trying Kuo-Toas, Sahuagins, or Mermen, or other monster types)?
To get to your specific question of whether you should tell your boyfriend about your little jaunt with the jolly greenish/yellow goblin or not: you say you did it to save his life. I am not sure if that would matter to him if you told him that was the reason for doing it. If your boyfriend is the type of man I think he is then I don’t think any type of "argument" will satisfy him. Instead, if he ever does find out, you need to present it in such away that it was a non-event.
That it was nothing special. That he, the goblin, did nothing for you and that he is not even half the "man" in the sexual arena that your boyfriend is.
Just keep pumping up his ego and he will soon forget that the goblin and you were nothing more than just two stag beetles crashing through the forest. Hopefully he will never find out. And if you ever do run into this Goblin again you will be able to resist his skills and charms. Or maybe you can get him and your boyfriend interested in a ménage a trois?
WWII