Dear Wrinkled Wendy,
There's this really interesting house I want to break into and loot, but I'm not sure just how to go about it. It's a small hut in the woods outside Ossana owned by this weird and cantankerous and ugly and dangerous old bitty who has it trapped six ways from next Sunday. But I'm sure it's got really cool stuff inside and the thought of all that treasure and magic (not to mention the possibility of interesting documents and blackmailable information) has me just all a-twitter with wholesome young halfling greed. My friend Mentiri says she stands behind me 110% - and what could be better than that? - but still, there's some niggling little voice in the back of my head that says, "Hey! Stupid! Stop right there! Are you an idiot, like a gnome, or something? You'll never get away with this!" But I just tell him to shut his pie-hole, because how hard can it be, after all? So how would YOU go about breaking into and looting a juicy little morsel like this?
Thanks a bushel,
Bodo Hah! You think I'm gonna tell you where I live? Stop me before I steal again!! Hee hee hee!

Dear Bodo,
I hope your not talking about me! But, I will assume you are not, and if not, I think I know of whom you write and it will prove a tough nut to crack. However, the way I see things I can help you in this limited space with two ideas:
1) Huff and Puff. That is, if you can muster up enough wind to blow the cottage down (Control Weather, Air Elementals…something of that sort, then you could pick up the "pieces."
2) Take her "Out of the Picture", then take your time disarming and looting the place.

Mentiri at your back?
Are you insane?
Or is she?
You better take along someone just to watch her!
WW

Dear Wrinkled Wendy,
I'm writing this for my half brother for obvious reasons. He wants to know how you came up with the idea for this column. He thinks it's neat. Also, how come you keep changing names and shapes (alignments?) at each new level? He thinks that's incredible! (Well, he didn't say that, but I didn't want to use "neat" again.) Just what level did you get to?
Keep in touch, Orsnian/vc

Dear Orsnian,
I thought by writing this column it would keep me in touch with the adventuring world I loved being an active part of. I also thought I could help out some struggling adventurers with some advice or anecdotes from my own experiences.

Why do I change my name?

Perhaps it is because I never was given one when I was born and I am looking for one I really like.

Why do I change alignments?

Perhaps it is because I was raised by druids to be a druid, and then had that taken away. Even though I was no longer a druid I still had the upbringing, insight and understanding of a druid, even though I chose to become a Magic User. I also thought it would be interesting, and a way to retain part of my druidness, by practicing in real life those varying aspects of humanity (i.e. different alignments) on a focused daily basis. As far as changing shapes, I simply do that for the fun of it. It also helps me to get into the new role I am about to explore. I hope this explains my "sudden" changes.
Wendy

Wrinkled Wendy,
I have a situation where I hope you can help. You see there is this statue (which happens to be made out of gold) that turns to life once it is touched. Once it becomes alive it is a very mean and tough lizard. The statue is inside a cave that has a smaller opening then the statue (did I mention that it was a large statue)? I am not sure how many of my companions are interested in retrieving this lost treasure, so if you can figure out a way I can do it alone or with minimal support that would be better. Thanks,
Big Toes McKracken

Dear Toes,
I am not sure, from what you have told me (actually I think you are holding out on some details), that you can pull this job off by yourself or with just a couple of friends. That is, unless you have a few very, very high level assistants (and I am sure that would be cost-prohibitive for you). For one thing, how do you plan to move a large statue of solid gold? First you would have to reduce the stature to smaller movable portions. And even then you would have to have either a large troop of mules and men or a good M.U. or two and some magic items (such as shrink spells, Tensor's Floating Discs, or maybe a bag of holding or two). I am sorry, Big Toes, but without further details, I can't give you anything more in-depth. If you can supply me with more information maybe we can work something out.
WW